MAD DOGS and BLOODY ENGLISHMEN!

THE EARLIER FLAG ADVENTURES | BACK TO THE CONTENTS PAGE


Shiek of New Zealand?	British gone to the dogs!	Villainous Brit	Southern Wales	Somewhere in Tunisia

THE KIWI NATIONAL FLAG CONTINUES
ITS ENFORCED MARCH
ACROSS THE GLOBE

Kiwis Hold Heads High In The Face Of Flagrant
And Brutish Pommie Behaviour

As most of you who have avidly followed the sad travails of our poor Kiwi flag will be aware the "Stop Wayward Internationals Nicking Ensigns!" body (S.W.I.N.E! for short) failed in its bid to retrieve the missing New Zealand ensign from Tunisia where it briefly fluttered during July.

Members of S.W.I.N.E! had earlier identified several prime suspects involved in the flag kidnapping group and had set out, with the assistance of a crack New Zealand SAS platoon, to apprehend the felons. However, after pinpointing the location of the flag and the whereabouts of these dastardly criminals through a secretly acquired photograph, the rescuers arrived in Tunisia too late to bring about a satisfactory conclusion to this sorry saga.

The kidnapping gang, known in the "under-landsailing-world" as Mad, Eccentric and Nefarious Traitorous Lechers (M.E.N.T.A.L.) or more commonly branded by the great majority of New Zealanders as Downright-Irresponsible- Rambunctious-Treasonable-Yellowbellies Destined, Once Grabbed, to be Shot (D.I.R.T.Y. D.O.G.S.) managed to allude the Kiwi contingent by a matter of hours having cleared out of Tunisia due to lack of wind

To make matters worse and further rub salt into the foiled rescuers wounds, the DIRTY DOG gang has again surfaced in a "Where's Wally"-ish escapade at Lytham St Annes over the weekend of September 9 and 10th.

The chief strategists of the Kiwi "Find-the-Flag-at-All-Costs" Campaign are now convinced that the Fylde Land Yacht Club are harbouring the perpetrators (judge for yourselves from the photographic evidence below). Planning is well underway for a seek and destroy mission to be unleashed in an endeavour to uproot the evil pervading Lytham and the nearby Blackpool.

The mission leader Colin Palmer, will be disguised as a Standart pilot sailing at Terschelling in early October so he can evade the DIRTY DOG gang's many informants, (that means you Robert "Don't Call Me Bob" Coburn). "CP" has orders to retrieve the Kiwi standard and restore New Zealand's honour. He has also been instructed to stage guerilla incursions among the other flag-bearers at the Worlds in Holland, the sole purpose to wreak havoc and revenge and to return to New Zealand with "trophies".

WATCH THIS SPACE FOR A REVERSAL OF THE INJUSTICES METED OUT TO OUR NATIONAL FLAG!

MESSAGE received SEPTEMBER 11:
Well at last, after a long gap, the missing NZ flag has been spotted again! This time providing shade for a slumbering Chairman of British Landsailing, he of the large appetite who answers to the name of Two Puddings.
Venue was Lytham St Annes, where pilots were attending the Fylde International's round of the 2000/2001 British Championship series. Pilots enjoyed a generally smooth beach on the Saturday but Sunday dawned damp, drizzly and windless, with a balmange like consistency that failed to tempt anybody out onto the beach.
More soon, when the flag has booked its passage to Terschelling for the World Championships there.
Mark Lloyd K211

Caught napping at Lytham with the Kiwi flag one Robert "Two Puddings" Green,
a cohort of Mark "SOC" Lloyd and Chris "Superannuitant" Wright. You might be
fooled by this man's dishabile and his general sleepy demeanour but be warned,
he's a pipe-chewing irascible Yorkshireman! You only have to look at the state of
his socks and how he has his foot firmly wedged on the car door... coiled ready to
spring into action if there's a merest hint of sh**p in the air!

MESSAGE received SEPTEMBER 13:
That little flag from Downunder has crossed the pond and headed east to France this time!!!
After going missing for a month or so the flag reappeared having travelled to Arcachon, Europe's largest sand dune where upon it was seen shading a young French woman from the wild sandstorms, in the company of the Shiek of NZ. Sadly no oil or landyachts were found...
Mark Lloyd K211

BELOW: A series of images acquired at considerable expense after a bidding war with News of the World and several British tabloids. These photos, taken by "flag-chasing papparazzi", come from deep inside France where it is believed at least one of the original flag kidnappers is holed up. Kiwi intelligence sources understand that several of the gang have gone to ground in countries where there are no extradition treaties with New Zealand. At least one of the photos below verifies that the self-imposed Shiek of New Zealand is currently domiciled somewhere south of Bordeaux near Cap Ferret on the Bassin d'Arcachon.

You might well wave Mark Lloyd... we know who you are!

b a c k t o t h e t o p o f t h e p a g e

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